It is only when your heart is 'in it' .....

This is going to be a non jewellery making related post but still very related to this blog nonetheless.

If you had read my 'About me' section, you should know that I was a recovering brain aneurysm patient. Well, still is as a matter of fact. I've yet to gain fully to certain extent many of a normal person's bodily function, the most obvious one being my gait. And the question of when I'll gain back fully whatever I have lost, if they ever do come back at all still remains to be seen.

Yes. I am not normal.

Whoops! No.

I should rephrase that.

Worry not, I am very much normal. I merely don't move around like a normal person. Moderately impaired seems to be the more appropriate term, although it is already a step upwards the scale from severely impaired; a condition that I was previously in. So I guess that is an encouragement for me to keep on going?

Truth is, I was about to give up on my impaired gait about 2 months ago until I got an SMS from my physiotherapist. She wanted me to give the treatment another go after she came back from a seminar on balance disorder.

I've been going for physiotherapy as soon as I was discharged from the hospital back in 2005. The first year and two saw very drastic improvement, from me on a wheelchair to walking with a tripod. I started to go out again and teach in my cousin sister's kindergarten. It was the first step towards me going back to the society again, after living in seclusion for a year and a half.

However, the improvement on the following year just wasn't as encouraging anymore and to some extent, it even feels stagnant. No matter how hard I pushed myself with the exercises, I still can't walk and move steadily. I walk as though I just had 5 shots of Whiskey down my throat.

But all the while, I had jewellery making by my side to distract me when it gets a little too frustrating. It was something that I could still do well in and enjoy doing at the same time. Finishing a project that I started with was what makes me want to wake up to every morning.

I was nevertheless slightly de-motivated. I thought to myself that perhaps that's only so far I can come to. I should count my blessings already to have survived in such an ordeal and still be able to do what I enjoy doing. That is, of course, until the SMS.

I went back to the hospital gym and a new routine of exercises for balance training. She really didn't have to contact me again to go back to the hospital gym. After all, it was I who gave up going in the first place. But when someone is willing to make that extra effort to help you, you really should give yourself one good slap(and make it a hard one too) on the cheek if you're not even willing to help yourself.

I returned with a new attitude. As much as I'm not hoping for too much(I understand fully the severity of what I went through), I nevertheless try to stay positive. I still want to do what I was once able to do. This is how I'm going to look at it now. It might be a long journey, but hey, every journey will come to an end at one point. You just got to keep on walking.

I am truly grateful and thankful to have met my physiotherapist. But for her, I might not have still dare to hope.

Nurul is my physiotherapist's name. She and I share something in common. We both enjoy doing what we are both currently doing. She also started a blog on physiotherapy (a field which has yet to receive the recognition it deserves here in Malaysia) here. She mentioned about me too in one of her posts here. :)

It is also because of this ordeal that I found a new passion in jewellery making. Searching my own soul again to realize that there's nothing I love doing more than craft work and create beautiful things with my hands. If it wasn't because of what had happened, I think I'll be stuck in an office working from dusk to dawn and running from one court to another seeing only mostly white, black and navy blue as the days go by. Clearly something that I don't think I'll enjoy as much.

In Nurul's words, "it is only when your heart is 'in it' will one feel the ultimate pleasure."

And,

In my words, "doing it only because I'm loving it."

I hope everyone reading this is blessed with doing what they enjoy doing most. :)